Surviving Thanksgiving

I survived my first Thanksgiving without her.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I had dreams of her sitting at the table with us eating sweet potatoes and green beans.  I loved that she would be old enough to “participate” in Thanksgiving dinner.  I was dreading having to sit down at the table without her.

I think the anxiety leading up to Thanksgiving was worse than the actual day was – and the day was really tough.  Even that morning, I sat in the shower crying trying to decide if I was actually going to leave the house and face our traditions without her.  I can’t even tell you how big of a part of me wanted to stay in bed under the covers.  I was torn between celebrating Thanksgiving for Noah and in Hannah’s memory and just ignoring the day completely.  How unfair and ironic is it to have to celebrate a day of being thankful for everything you have when it feels like one of the the most important parts of you has been taken away?

I have been blessed with a lot in my life, but I found it really hard to have a thankful heart that day.  And I think that’s ok.  I have a grieving heart, and it is still raw and wounded.

So, in the shower that morning, I prayed for grace….and a lot of it.  I prayed for God to just soothe my soul and get me through the day.  And He was faithful.  I survived the day, and He gave me joy enough to laugh and smile.  He is good, and I am living proof that His grace is sufficient in all situations.

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Grief

One response to “Surviving Thanksgiving

  1. Ginger Ritter

    I completely and fully understand everything you just described. You know that song, “Your Grace Is Enough”? I love that song b/c, just like the lyrics, HIS grace is enough for me. Always in my thoughts and prayers…xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s