When a Nursery Doesn’t Turn into a Big Girl Room

Hannah’s room is slowly changing.  For almost the last year, it’s looked exactly the same.  It was such a source of comfort for us after she died.  I can’t tell you how many times I would go into her room and sit in the rocker and just cry.  Even though we never got to bring her home, there was something special about being in her room with her things.

When we found out we were pregnant again, I knew at some point I was going to have to lose Hannah’s nursery to gain Noah’s.  As much as it rips my heart into a million shreds, it’s time.  Our plan all along was to reuse as much as we could – crib, dresser, rocker, car seat, stroller, even some of the clothes, so it feels natural to pass Hannah’s things down to Noah.  I just always assumed that as we were putting together another nursery, we would also be turning her room into a ‘big girl’ room.

It’s been a slow process, and I’m nowhere near done.  It’s taken me a few days just to take down the wall decals, the changing pad cover, and the sheets off her crib.  I still have so much to go through, but it is so emotionally exhausting.  In a way, I feel like I’m losing her all over again.

I’m hoping to be able to donate her entire bedding set to our local crisis pregnancy center.  My prayer is that it will be used and loved by a woman who chose life for her child.  I would love for this small piece of Hannah to live on in another baby’s life.

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2 Comments

Filed under Grief

2 responses to “When a Nursery Doesn’t Turn into a Big Girl Room

  1. Greg Totty

    Amanda , I love you guys so much. You are in my prayers for continued comfort and peace. I am so blessed to have you all in my life.

  2. I wish I hadn’t gotten rid of some things as early as I did. I wish I’d just put it out of sight until “later”.

    I’m glad some of Hannah’s things will help, and be loved by a family who needs it.

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