Monthly Archives: March 2013

Pregnancy After Loss – Getting Past the Milestones

I will never have a pregnancy last as long as Hannah’s.  I carried her for 41 weeks, and I know I won’t be carrying Noah – or any other baby – that far.  So, unlike moms who have lost a baby earlier in their pregnancy, I don’t have a ‘week milestone’ to get past.  But since I’m pregnant and due at the same time of year as I was with Hannah, I still feel like I have an important milestone to reach.

I found out that Hannah died on March 16th, her birthday is on March 17th, and her funeral was on March 21st.  I feel like these are three big dates on the calendar that I have to get past in this pregnancy.  Another important date is the day before my scheduled c-section.  I have this fear of being just hours away from holding him and something happening.

The closer I get, the more anxious I feel.  I think the stress of being pregnant with Noah and actively grieving Hannah at the same time is starting to get to me.  Even though I feel like it will be some sort of victory to get past these dates and still be pregnant with a baby who is alive, I don’t know if I’ll feel any kind of relief.  At this point, I don’t think I’ll feel that until I’m taking a baby home with me.

I’ve been pregnant for a really long time…and I’m not complaining because I know how much of a blessing it is to just be pregnant.  Since June of 2011, I have been pregnant 19 of those 22 months.  That’s a long time to be pregnant and still not have a baby at home.

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Filed under Pregnancy After Loss

Born in Silence

I came across a video that was made to raise awareness of stillbirths.  I can relate to every word those parents shared.  I’ve been blessed to have such a great support system, and I’ve shared a bit about what it’s been like for me to go through losing a child, but there is still a lifetime’s worth that I haven’t said.

Here is a link to the article that accompanied the video.

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Filed under Grief, Hannah