How is it that the answers to our prayers can be so different than what we thought?
My journey into motherhood looks nothing like I always thought it would. Losing a child, having a high-risk pregnancy with complications, having an unplanned c-section, having a premature baby who spends two and a half weeks in the NICU—not what I pictured. But, God answered my prayer of becoming a mother.
I remember telling Zach before Hannah was born that my greatest fear was that our children will not come to know God. Now, Hannah knows God more intimately than I can imagine. His face was the first face she saw when she opened her eyes. I had dreams of watching my first-born accept Jesus and get baptized. That wasn’t what God had planned, but He still answered my prayer.
After Hannah died, I didn’t think I would be able to experience that “We’re having a baby – it’s time to go the hospital” moment. Then, six weeks before Noah was supposed to be born, my water broke and we headed to the hospital. It was mixed with fear and uncertainty, but God provided that moment for me.
Honestly, there are a lot of moments where I wish my life was simpler and not so messy. And I struggle with thinking that my life would be better/easier if my prayers were answered differently. It’s hard to see why God’s way is better when His way hurts. I fall into the trap of thinking that I know what I need more than He does. I’m working on that.